The Only Resolution I’m Making This Year – Stop Being a Shouty Mum

I know I’ve said it before, but I’m not really one for making New Years Resolutions. On the odd occasion that I have, it’s been one of those that the majority of women tend to make. You know the ones: spend less money, lose a certain amount of weight, try to socialise more instead of being a recluse. And you know what? I’m rubbish at sticking to them! I love chocolate and shopping way too much to just give them up.

So when my friends and family were telling me recently what their resolutions for 2018 were, I decided I was going to give making one one last shot. And instead of making a frivolous one that I was bound to fail at a couple of days in, I decided I was going to make a serious one. One that I don’t just want to stick to, but one that I really need to stick to. And so the only resolution I’m making this year is to stop being a shouty mum. 

Why I Need to Stop Being a Shouty Mum

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I went from being a fairly calm mum to the shouty mum I am today. And I’m sure it didn’t just happen overnight. But I am ninety-nine percent positive it started at some point during the last couple of years while I was both physically and emotionally drained from lack of sleep. You see, Oscar, my youngest, suddenly decided that sleep was for the weak. And for the best part of that two years, he would happily get by on just an hour or two a night.

I feel like I just got to that point of exhaustion where yelling to get the kids to listen to me came all too easily. I was tired, fed up, and bottling up a lot of anger towards Nathan because he never got up in the middle of the night to help, no matter how much Oscar and I cried. I won’t go into too much detail, but he would basically refuse to help because of having to get up and go out to work the next day. To me, that was just an excuse, because he didn’t help on the weekends or when he had time off, either.

The Only Resolution I'm Making This Year - Stop Being a Shouty Mum

The housework soon fell by the wayside, and Oscar and I would spend all day slumming it in our pyjama’s. The only time we ventured outside was when we planned to meet up with friends or desperately needed something from the shop. And at some point, while all this was happening, Stacey’s teenage hormones kicked in, and I suddenly had her attitude to deal with too. The timing could not have been worse.

I try to be sympathetic towards her. I really do. I mean, it wasn’t all that long ago that I was a teenager myself. I remember quite clearly how difficult it can be. But her constant back chatting and need to be right is out of control. But then again, so is my yelling. I yell when I’m cooking dinner and Oscar won’t leave me alone, I yell when the kids are yelling at each other (setting a great example there, I know). I yell when Oscar’s whinging over not wanting to go to school, I yell when we’re in a rush, or when we’re late. But most of all I yell because I feel like no one’s listening to me.

The Only Resolution I'm Making This Year - Stop Being a Shouty Mum

Since starting school in September, Oscar’s behaviour has spiralled out of control too. Where he would once come and cuddle up to me on the sofa, smothering me in kisses and telling me how much he loves me, he now hits, kicks, bites, headbutts, and constantly tells me he hates me. I think a lot of it is resentment because I’m no longer around him all day, every day. He’s recently started hitting Stacey, too. As well as touching things he’s been asked not to touch, trashing the living room, throwing Stacey’s devices at hard surfaces, and pretty much doing anything he knows will make me lose my cool to get attention. And where I once would have handled it in a nice, calm way – you guessed it – I now yell.

You’re probably reading this thinking I’m a right bitch. He’s only little, after all. But the truth is, it’s utterly exhausting! I’m exhausted from his constant lashing out, I’m exhausted from always having to second guess his next move so I can make sure nobody gets hurt, I’m exhausted from constantly cleaning up after him, and I’m exhausted from the constant reminders of how I’d like him to behave. But most of all, I’m exhausted from my constant yelling. And for that, I have no one to blame but myself.

Once upon a time, I used to speak softly and be heard. I wasn’t a shouty mum. I had a brilliant discipline technique that worked, and I would stick to it rigidly. I would crouch right down to the kids level and talk them out of whatever tantrum they were having. We’d then have a cuddle, and everything would be right with the world. But now I just shout. I tell myself I’ll count to ten before I speak to them when they’re driving me nuts. But in all honesty, it rarely happens. Maybe it’s me who needs time out. Me who needs to sit and cool off. And me who needs to re-evaluate her behaviour.

So I’ve come to the decision that now is as good a time as any to stop the shouting. Before my kids decide they really do hate me and start acting out in other places as well as at home. And before someone who is truly innocent gets hurts. It’s time for me to hold my hands up and say enough is enough. I’m going to take responsibility for my shouty behaviour. After all, it’s my own fault that I do it, no one else’s. Yes, I may be tired and cranky, but that doesn’t make it OK for me to take it out on my kids.

From now on I’m going to work on building my energy back up. I’m going to perfect my discipline techniques. And most of all I’m going to work hard to build up the patience that seems to have diminished over the last couple of years. This is my new year’s resolution. The only resolution I’m going to make this year. And I know if I can see it through, 2018 will be amazing.

This is me being accountable for my actions. I’m nipping yelling in the bud. I don’t want to be a shouty mum anymore. Wish me luck guys. I’ll be sure to keep you updated on how things are going.

Do you have any tips for keeping calm when the kids are acting up?
Let me know in the comments below.
With love from Lou SignatureTwitter | Facebook | Bloglovin | Instagram | Pinterest

 

Digiprove sealCopyright protected by Digiprove © 2017 Louise Smith

50 Comments

  1. 01/01/2018 / 11:52 am

    I think so many people will relate to this post, I know I do. Be kind to yourself, you are human after all. Sends my much love xx

  2. 01/01/2018 / 12:04 pm

    Interesting post this. As your child gets older and older your parenting techniques will change as well so I wouldn’t worry to much about what type of mum you are 😉

  3. 01/01/2018 / 12:05 pm

    Awww bless your cotton socks, I can’t even imagine what it must be like being a mum later on operating on next to nothing sleep. This goal is an important one and hope you achieve it, actually I know you will since you’re making a conscience effort
    Anosa recently posted…{Monthly Roundup} December 2017 Fashion FavouritesMy Profile

  4. 01/01/2018 / 4:37 pm

    I am so bad at sticking up to resolutions i don’t even bother taking them! I don’t have kids so i don’t know how you’d keep calm but i can only imagine how you could lose it!

  5. 01/01/2018 / 5:08 pm

    You are definitely only human and when tiredness, frustration and general exasperation kicks in, it’s so easy to lose patience. You clearly know where you want to go and how you want to be so 2018 will be your year!

  6. 01/01/2018 / 7:43 pm

    I think it is very easy to become a shouty mum, especially when it seems to be the only way to be heard. I find behaviour is a lot better when I don’t shout, so I’m really hoping that is the case for you too. Good luck for 2018!

  7. 01/01/2018 / 8:03 pm

    I’m sure so many parents can relate to this. I can only imagine how hard it must be to stay calm all the time. I don’t have kids myself but I know meditation has helped some of my friends keep calm in difficult and stressful situations.
    Nellwyn recently posted…Plan With Me: JanuaryMy Profile

  8. 01/01/2018 / 8:05 pm

    I feel lots of moms can relate. I know I can. I find that I shout to be heard too. I try to count to 10 before speaking and to remind myself I can be heard even without shouting.

  9. 01/01/2018 / 8:18 pm

    I was on the same boat and I was the shouty mum too, the only thing that made me at least reduce it and try to fix it is I catch myself before I do it and immediately go to another room first but I must say I need to get another solution because that has actually stopped working lately.

  10. 01/01/2018 / 8:29 pm

    I am not one to set resolutions either as I think that targets are a more effective way of garnering progress. In terms of the behavioral issues and yelling as a way of discipline, I know it must be difficult to not get frustrated, but I wish you the best of luck and I really hope that you find a way that is a positive change for you both x
    Ana De- Jesus recently posted…The Jasmine Indian Afternoon Tea At Taj LondonMy Profile

  11. Jay Colby
    01/01/2018 / 8:29 pm

    Happy New Year! This is a great post that I’m sure all parents can relate to!

  12. 01/01/2018 / 8:50 pm

    I always say this, but I know I’m just going to always be a mom who yells. I mean, I don’t do it daily, but if no one is listening, my voice is raised. Good luck to you!

  13. 01/01/2018 / 9:13 pm

    I can completely relate to how exhausting it is. I was a shouty mum too and I remember writing a post like this about 6 or 7 years ago and I’m pleased to say things have changed. Good luck and Happy New year, Mich x
    michelle twin mum recently posted…Believe: My Guiding Word for 2018My Profile

  14. 01/01/2018 / 9:19 pm

    I have no tips because I too am shouty mum, and I hate it! I plan on being a better mummy this year, it’s so hard not to lose the plot though!

  15. 01/01/2018 / 9:19 pm

    Such a honest post. I’m sure guilty to yell, despite my job as a parenting coach, despite my years of training in early years and psychology. You know why you yell as you made a clear analysis of your situation. I hope you can discuss this with your husband too and find some support to empty your bucket and be ready to welcome your children emotions! I would love to connect more with you so check my blog and fb group too. 😉

  16. 01/01/2018 / 10:58 pm

    This is such a true post for so many moms I am sure. I have 4 kids and with our older 2 who happen to be 10 months apart – they are now 9 and 10, they like to fight over everything or not listen so that is when i get stressed at times and yell a good bit. 2018 my goal is to stop or do my best to have a lot more patience and become a non shouty mom.

    Good luck! 🙂
    Alicia recently posted…Make a Lifetime Friend with American GirlMy Profile

  17. 01/01/2018 / 11:07 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m sure there are a lot of parents out there who can relate. Good luck with your resolution this year!
    Tiffany Khyla recently posted…2017My Profile

  18. 01/01/2018 / 11:21 pm

    Wishing you lots of luck. If you can accomplish this, you will have the admiration of all the millions of us who couldn’t keep that resolution!

  19. Julie Syl
    02/01/2018 / 12:43 am

    I can relate on this topic, I hate being a helicopter parenting. I’m glad that you shared this and it’s really helpful.

  20. 02/01/2018 / 1:28 am

    I don’t have children myself, but I’m reading this thinking what a normal, human being. I think if you recognise part of your parenting style you don’t like and decide to change it, kudos to you-that’s hard. But I also think don’t beat yourself up if you still shout sometimes. Try your best, but you are only human, and it’s okay to have faults.

  21. 02/01/2018 / 4:43 am

    I wish you look with your resolution. I shout and don’t shout so I don’t feel any guilt. I think all mom’s come t a breaking point. Good for you if you feel you do it excessively and want to change.

  22. 02/01/2018 / 6:38 am

    Well done for addressing this and making yourself accountable. You sound like a warm and caring parent anc we all know motherrhood can be tough at times. Sending love and strength xx

  23. 02/01/2018 / 10:31 am

    Ah. This resonates, big time. Unlike you though, I have always been a shouty person. I realised not very long ago that my shouting wasn’t really out of anger (although I was angry) but that anger is my default emotion. When I get irritated, feel out of control, tired, frustrated, scared, you name it, anger is always how I express myself. I’ve just had ten days in the UK on my own with the kids and I hated it. Hate the person I’ve become really. My ten year old also started exhibiting anger and hitting. It took a while to realise he was anxious. We compounded the problem by trying to help him with his anxiety and not punish him too severely but after a very horrible, fraught evening, we decided enough was enough and sharp consequences needed to be put in place. It worked. We realised after the event that not giving him a consequence when his behaviour was appalling just made him feel lost – he knew he had done something wrong and not being punished just confused him. Anyway, I am rabbiting now, but just wanted to say that you need to give yourself a break (you won’t, I know that) but try to. You are human with struggles (by the sounds of it, with not a great deal of help) and of course you are going to erupt when placed in a stressful situation. Someone once told me that if you worry about what kind of a mum you are, you are a good one – the most important thing is you recognised where you need to change, so you’re doing good!

  24. 02/01/2018 / 10:58 am

    I relate to this post on so many levels. I work with young children for a living and every comments I have the patience of a saint, but with my own its a real struggle to keep my cool sometimes, probably because they know exactly which buttons to push. Good luck with your resolution, I hope you get to find your healthy balance (I have teens too and know how frustrating they can be)
    Kara recently posted…Our 2018 Days Out Bucket ListMy Profile

  25. 02/01/2018 / 11:38 am

    You’ve already made a huge step in identifying something you want to change so good luck with that mama. It can be hard just not scream at times and I only a toddler. I am scared of what will happen when he starts talking back so I hope I can remember this and just breathe for a few seconds (or days) before reacting.

  26. 02/01/2018 / 11:56 am

    I can relate so much to this post. But I would say don’t be so hard on yourself. As parents we try our hardest to get it right but it’s also a massive learning curve. You will get there lovely. Happy New Year x
    Lynne Harper recently posted…New Years ResolutionsMy Profile

  27. 02/01/2018 / 12:59 pm

    This is such an interesting post. I think that’s a great resolution. Kids really absorb a lot especially if they grow up. It’s good to set a good example to them.

  28. 02/01/2018 / 1:42 pm

    Motherhood has so many pressures which I’ve learnt the past 9 months as I’ve tried to adapt with a newborn baby and type 1 diabetes. It can be very hard and so easy especially when you’re tired to get angry and upset a lot quicker and easier. I do hope you can get stop being ‘shouty’ and be happier and calmer, just remember you’re amazing and you know you love your children no matter what.
    kirsty recently posted…Goodreads Challenge 2018My Profile

  29. 02/01/2018 / 1:48 pm

    I can really relate to this post and just want to reach out, give you a hug and thank you for being so honest! Please be kind to yourself though. It is great to have a goal (its similar to one I set myself this year too) but we are all only human and doing our best so if you do slip up just remember that tomorrow is a new day. My son is 8 but has reached the “answering back, answer for everything, total attitude” stage and sometimes I just have to leave the room and take a breather so I can gather my thoughts lol!
    Jess Howliston recently posted…New Years Goals…My Profile

  30. Rosey
    02/01/2018 / 3:43 pm

    I have a shouty kid, grandkid actually, lol. She’s not making the resolution to stop shouting though I wish she was, hahaha #lovemygrandbabe

  31. 02/01/2018 / 3:48 pm

    Parenting can be so hard sometimes and so rewarding at other times. Yours is a great new year resolution. Make sure to always set at least a little time to yourself so you can be refreshed as a mom.

  32. 02/01/2018 / 4:16 pm

    I think it is really hard to deal with a small person all day. My daughter lashes out something through pain and she can be a real handful. Be kinder to yourself, most people have a shout from time to time. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child and wouldn’t walk through a fire for them x

  33. 02/01/2018 / 6:23 pm

    I, like a lot of mums, can relate to this post. We try are hardest we really do, but we also get pushed to the limits as well. Couple that with lack of sleep and it is a wonder any of us survive!! Just keep loving them and doing the best you can. I too am trying to shout less as well, as I find they mimick me:-(

  34. 02/01/2018 / 8:02 pm

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts; and no, I don’t think you’re a “right b”! Children’s behaviors can sometimes be a bit much to take, and you’re only human. My daughter is only 2, so no shouting for me yet (lol), but I can tell by your heart, which you’ve shared here, that you’re going to continue to do the best for your family! *hugs*

  35. 02/01/2018 / 8:26 pm

    Oh I am sorry. Don’t be so hard on yourself, parenting is not easy…all the time. We are human and doing a LOT as moms. I am not a shouter and I have no advice on that. Sorry.

  36. 02/01/2018 / 9:23 pm

    I don’t have kids myself yet but I can imagine it can be tough to keep your cool when you’re running on empty. I’ve been there before too. I hope you can work towards your goal of being less of a shouter with your kiddos 🙂

  37. Lisa Rios
    02/01/2018 / 11:53 pm

    I’m sure many parents are making this same goal for themselves. I pray you will find peace and be able to make it through. Parenting is never easy… keep going.

  38. 03/01/2018 / 3:54 am

    Not that regular New Year’s resolution kind of post but I love it. You owning it and standing up to really be what you would want to happen. This may sound cheesy but just always pray so you can have self control and I know you can do it. Accepting this attitude as something you want to change this year is the first step. Good job and God bless.
    Lauretta at Home and Horizon recently posted…January Favourite FindsMy Profile

  39. 03/01/2018 / 9:23 am

    I feel so similar! I can lose my temper and shout at mine too! And the minute I do so, I regret it and feel guilty. But we are all humans and sometimes it is difficult. I don’t do resolution but this is a good idea. It is just something for you to keep in mind. At least you are conscious of it. Some aren’t!

  40. 03/01/2018 / 7:13 pm

    Please don’t be so harsh on yourself. Raising your voice or shouting probably happens to us all, I know I can be shouty too. It’s good you have realised that you want to change how you parent which is a positive thing. Good luck 🙂

  41. 03/01/2018 / 7:25 pm

    We wish you the best of luck with your resolution. Its not great being a shouty mum and it just seems to spiral and get worse. My mummy tends to walk out of the room when she’s about to lose it and ends up yelling (or crying) into a pillow to get her frustration out!
    Baby Isabella recently posted…2017 – Our Year in ReviewMy Profile

  42. 03/01/2018 / 9:55 pm

    So many Mums will agree with this one, I tried really hard today not to get stressed and enough when leaving the house…..I nearly made it but right until the last minute!!!
    Steph recently posted…The Get Moore From Life Linky JanuaryMy Profile

  43. 03/01/2018 / 11:00 pm

    I can also really relate to this post, I was always calm but my youngest has never slept through the night and he is nearly 3, he is often up numerous time or for long durations and it’s existing, everything it hard work when you feel so sleep deprived.

    Laura x

  44. 03/01/2018 / 11:21 pm

    this is a challenging goal forth e year.However, I believe in you and I get the importance to accomplishing it!

  45. 04/01/2018 / 2:20 am

    There is so much relatability to this post!! I think its so easy to be taken over by this shouty person and become that person instead of the calm people we once were. I admire that you saw the problem and are now trying to fix it before it’s too late!!

  46. 14/01/2018 / 3:05 pm

    Oh it is so tough isn’t it, I constantly tell myself I’m not going to yell today but then end up doing it and feeling terrible about it. Trust me you’re not alone, thanks for sharing such an honest post with #BloggersBest please do stop by again!

  47. Vicky Sayce
    28/03/2018 / 10:48 pm

    You my lovely are a diamond, I only have the one, have waited 17 years, tried for 17 yrs ivf and finally got my miracle, she is 2 wks away from 3, I have become a shouty mum, and same the other half works so no help there even on those days off, I fully understand, I feel so guilt ridden for shouting, I’m tryng my be to run an online business, have 2 dogs that I’ve had 15 and 5 yrs that have stated trashing my house, and a toddler who thinks she’s a teen, I’m at my Witt’s end, and strongly agree with you, I think I need time out, she doesn’t sleep well either, I’m in her bed half the time, I also have fybromyalgia and lung disease, so exhausted, I don’t want to be a shouty mum, I’ve tried so long for her and she really is my everything, I’m jumping on board with you as from this moment on, I’m hoping a lot of parents are going to tell us they have been there with this, let me know how you get on huni, you have my full support hear, so here’s to us being calm mummys , good luck lovely xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge